A Unique Experience of a First-Generation U.S. American

A Unique Experience of a First-Generation U.S. American

A First-Generation U.S. American is defined as someone who is either foreign-born and immigrated to a new country, or the first person in their family to be born in a new country after their family immigrated. In this case, I will specifically discuss first persons in their family to be born in the US and those who were foreign born and immigrated to the US at a young age. I will refer to them as “First Gen”.

First Gens face several unique and complex issues. Firstly, they are raised in an environment and community that is different from their parents’ and yet still have expectations placed on them as though they have the same support that their parents grew up with. Additionally, they may be growing up in an environment that is not aligned with their parents’ values, beliefs, and expectations which can also cause a lot of friction, turmoil, and heartache at home if the First Gen-er aligns more with the new environment. Additionally, the First Gen-er may have feelings of guilt and shame for having their own beliefs and are not willing or able to live up to their parents’ expectations.

Another issue that is common amongst First Gen-ers is that they typically end up assisting their parents through translating things such as conversations or more serious things such as documents, which may be too complex. This puts them in uncomfortable situations, adds a lot of pressure, and pushes them to grow up quicker than most other kids their age. Additionally, the First Gen-er may be the first in their family to do many things, such as graduating high school, going to college, buying a house, etc., and are having to learn to do a lot of these things on their own since their parents may not know how to navigate the U.S. system- another mountain they must learn to climb.

A common saying that is said to many First Gen-ers is “Ni de aquí ni de allá.” This translates to “Neither from here, nor from there.” In this case, it means not belonging or not fitting into a specific place, country, or culture. They tend to receive judgement from peers in the current country and judgement from peers and family in their parents’ home country. This tends to lead First Gen-ers to have identity issues and can experience imposter syndrome. Some try to assimilate, lose the language, some become ashamed of where they come from and lose a part of their culture and themselves, and some get “othered” and then they “other” others who are like them.

When I say “othered” I’m referring to the process of perceiving or treating individuals or groups as fundamentally different and separate from oneself or one's own group. Sometimes they feel their value is placed on work and what they can provide for this country rather than who they are and rather than being enough to just be themselves. And yet, despite putting in the work, they can still be discriminated against and seen as less than. They can face many more hurdles that include racism, colorism, classism, and other types of discrimination merely for existing… but that that’s an important discussion for another time.

What Can I Do as a Therapist?

As an LCSW, it is my duty to encourage and empower my clients who don’t believe in themselves and may feel lost. I have found to have several niches: the LGBTQ+ community, those struggling with fertility and loss, and of course, First Gen-ers. So as therapists, what can we do? We first must make sure we provide a safe and judgment-free space for them. If you find out they are First Gen, engage the conversation… ask them about who they are, where they are from, about their culture and history, what does this mean for them, and ask if this is a point of contention for them. If it is a point of contention, help them figure out why, who they are, and what their values are- but before that, it’s important that you come from a place of curiosity and maybe even do some of your own research into their culture to have a better understanding. Help them to understand that they are a part of multiple cultures- a hybrid of BOTH- which is its own unique experience. Allow them to lead the conversation, but with gentle guidance and encouragement from you.

My Personal Experience as a First Gen

I will say, that as someone who identifies as a First Gen Mexican American and Chicana, which is an ethnic identity of an American with Mexican origin, my perspective comes from one of a Mexican American lens. This of course may differ from a Caribbean American, Middle Eastern American, African American, or Asian American lens. I’ve experienced many of the aforementioned issues myself, I have met others like me and see many clients who have experienced these issues. It has been so helpful to have space to talk about such a unique experience, because growing up in the 1990’s through the early 2000’s, I did not have anyone I felt I could talk to about these things, let alone even identify them. I was always told that I needed to fit into a box, but I never fit completely into any of them. So as a child, I felt that I needed to overcompensate at times- either by pushing my Mexican-ness aside or by oversharing it. But I have found that embracing both sides and finding a good balance has been healing for me. Even more, I feel determined and more certain about diving deeper into the history of my ancestors and learning more about being Mestizo (mixed Indigenous and European - primarily Spanish - ancestry). This would not be possible without coming across others who have been vocal about these very same issues, their experiences, and how they have learned to navigate them. Below, I have included several books about the First Gen experience from different perspectives.

Books to read:

“The Good Immigrant: 26 Writers Reflect on America” by editors Nikesh Shukla and

Chimene Suleyman

“Badass Bonita” by Kim Guerra

“Beautiful Country: A Memoir” by Qian Julie Wang

“Americanized: Rebel Without a Green Card” by Sara Saedi

The Lesbiana’s Guide to Catholic School by Sonora Reyes

For more stories, check out this list of YA books: https://www.epicreads.com/blog/books-

about-first-generation-americans/